Best Bar Toasts

a30c0ec8-1252-4d42-a98f-7d7cd0e9ebd7A good portion of the time I am at the bar with a group of my friends, it is because we are celebrating something. Usually in this celebration you want to say something inspiring or funny or both. For those people like me who are terrible at being creative, this my list of bar toasts that I like to use.

General Bar Toasts

Here’s to a long life and a merry one.
A quick death and an easy one.
A pretty girl and a honest one.
A cold pint — and another one!
-An Irish Toast

Here’s to women’s kisses and to beer, amber clear. Not as sweet as a woman’s kiss but a damn sight more sincere!

Here’s to the wine we love to drink and the food we love to eat
Here’s to our wives and sweethearts, and may they never meet
Here’s champagne for our real friends, and real pain for our sham friends
And when this journey finally ends may all of us find peace.
Here’s to all the woman that I’ve loved and all the ones I’ve kissed
As for regrets I just have one, that’s all the ones I’ve missed
A woman’s faults are many, we men have only two
Every single thing we say and everything we do
I wish you health I wish you wealth and happiness galore
I wish you heaven when you die what could I wish you more
May your joys be as deep as the ocean, Your troubles as light as its foam
And may you find sweet peace of mind wherever you may roam. CHEERS!

Another day another bender
No retreat no surrender

Here is to being positive and testing negative.

To Hell. May the stay there be as enjoyable as the way there.

May our children have rich fathers and beautiful mothers.

May we get what we want, but never what we deserve.

Here’s to you
Here’s to me
May we never disagree
But if we do,
to hell with you
and here’s to me

Cheers to those who wish us well, and those who don’t can go to hell.

Here’s to fighting, cheating, stealing, drinking. Fighting for your friends, cheating death, stealing a woman’s heart, and drinking with me!

Here’s to being single, drinking doubles, and seeing triple!

Here’s to milk, eggs, bread and cinnamon.
– Traditional French Toast

Here’s to my arms for staying by my sides
Here’s to my legs for supporting me
Here’s to my  eyes, to help me see it through.
Here’s to my hands for always being able to count on them
Here’s to my colon, for putting up with my shit
and here’s to the floor, who will hold me when no one else will.

May your glass be ever full.
May the roof over your head be always strong.
And may you be in heaven
half an hour before the devil knows you’re dead.

A toast to those who wish me well
And all the rest can go to hell

Life is a waste of time
Time is a waste of life
So let’s get wasted all the time
And have the time of our life!

If the ocean was beer and I was a duck, I would swim to the bottom and drink myself up.
But the oceans not beer and I’m not a duck, so let’s drink these pints and get messed up.

Woman’s faults are many. Man’s faults are but two. Every thing we say. And every thing we do.

To new beginnings and happy endings

Our lager,
Which art in barrels,
Hallowed be thy drink,
Thy will be drunk,
At home as it is in the tavern,
Give us this day our foamy head,
And forgive us our spillage,
As we forgive those who spill against us,
And lead us not to incarceration,
But deliver us from hangovers,
For thine is the beer, the bitter, and the lager
Forever and ever,
Amen

Toasts to Friends / Friendship

[One of your friends name], no matter what we say about you behind your back and despite your many failings, we appreciate how you just keep trying. To [your friends name while pointing at him]

Here’s to the nights we’ll never remember
with the friends we’ll never forget!

I drink to your health when I’m with you,
I drink to your health when I’m alone
I drink to your health so much, I’m starting to worry about my own

Here’s to the 4 types of orgasms:
The good ones: “Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes.”
The bad ones: “Oh no, oh no, oh no.”
The religious ones: “Oh God, oh God, oh God.”
And the fake ones: “Oh [insert a friend’s name], oh [name], oh [name].”

There are good ships,
There are wood ships,
There are ships that sail the sea.
But the best ships are friendships,
and to those ships, we drink!

Or similarly

Some ships are wooden ships but those ships may sink. The best ships are friendships, and to those ships, we drink!

Champagne for my real friends
And real pain for my sham friends

Stand by, glasses steady
And drink to your comrades’ eyes
A toast to those dead already
And a hurrah for the next to die.

Here’s to those who’ve seen us at our best and seen us at our worst and can’t tell the difference.

May the roof above us never fall in, and may we as friends never fall out

Here’s to good friends and bad decisions!

May you be buried in a coffin made of the of a hundred year old oak tree, that we shall plant tomorrow.

Dirty Toasts

Here’s to honor! to getting honor, grinding honor, and coming honor! And if she’s under eighteen, I plead not guilty your honor!

Here’s to the breezes
that blows through the treezes
that lifts girls skirts above their kneezes.
Oh b’jesus what a snatch,
here’s to us down the hatch!

To all of the kisses we’ve snatched, and vice versa!

Here’s to the storks that bring pretty babies; The crows that bring ugly babies; And the swallows that bring no babies.

Here’s to the women, with little pink shoes; who steal all our money and drink all our booze; now, she’s not a virgin but that ain’t a sin, cuz she’s still got the box that the cherry came in.

Cheers to beers and legs behind your ears!

Here’s to an hour of sweet repose
Tummy to tummy
And toes to toes
And after an hour of such delight
It’s fanny to fanny
For the rest of the night

Here’s to the wound that never heals, the more you rub it the better it feels. All the soap this side of hell, could never get rid of that smell.

Here’s to the roses and lilies in bloom, You in my arms and I in your room. A door that is locked, a key that is lost, A bird, and a bottle, and a bed badly tossed

Famous People’s Toasts

Let us toast to animal pleasures, to escapism, to rain on the roof and instant coffee, to unemployment insurance and library cards, to absinthe and good-hearted landlords, to music and warm bodies and contraceptives… and to the “good life”, whatever it is and wherever it happens to be.
– Hunter S Thompson

Never lie, steal, cheat, or drink. But if you must lie, lie in the arms of the one you love. If you must steal, steal away from bad company. If you must cheat, cheat death. And if you must drink, drink in the moments that take your breath away.
– Will Smith in Hitch

To alcohol! The cause of, and solution to, all of life’s problems.
– Homer Simpson

I don’t know half of you half as well as I should like; and I like less than half of you half as well as you deserve.
– Bilbo Baggins

Sailor Toasts

Here’s to honor…
Hitting on her, getting on her, staying on her…
and if you can’t come in her… come on her!

Here’s to you all, your wives and girlfriend’s and may we hope they never meet.

May the winds of fortune sail you, May you sail a gentle sea. May it always be the other guy who says this drink’s on me

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